Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’


He left and it rained but not because he left. It just rained. I thought I was upset because he had left, but I was not…not because of that. He said he was my friend and I agreed with that….at least for a few moments a day…or something like that. I then got a severe headache…no not because he had left but because how I felt after he had left. And it rained. Something felt fake when I waved at him from the balcony… something was still fake. Was it something in me or in him, I did not know that yet.

I hated his beard for the first time. He, too, admitted that men with little manhood tended to grow big beard in this land where minarets were more potent than most of them. Was it his beard? No, not completely that. He smelled like a hell and he did not seem to know that. No, no…don’t get me wrong before I even began. I did not even touch him, he was my friend. Just because he wanted to…but he was too primitive…too manishly man…too shallow…too proud to have a little extension between his legs…no he thought he was but he was never my friend…and I never cared. Wasn’t I dreaming like everyone else? And it rained…I love the way soil smelled…a big white bird opened her wings and flew towards me…she seemed to have known how I felt.

red and blue pill

What pill would kill the pain a fake friend left in my head? I opened the cabinet and took the blue pill. I poured water into a thin tall glass, put the blue pill in the middle of my tongue and pushed it down with water. The pain seemed to have disappeared as I walked towards the mirror. My face seemed different to me. There was disgust and regret even when I stared like a newly made statute or dead. I felt more sublime when I was a statute, insignificant and sad when I pretended to be dead. Then I got scared , no I did not want to be dead…but I did not want to be fake either…I began hating the mirror after my friend…no he was not mine…he was just a friend …

He told me how he stabbed a man…he was proud of that because that was very brave…that was the only reason why he had become  a friend in my conscious sphere…I knew how sorry he and all the other men felt sorry for me for not being a man…I felt sorry for him for not having anything else apart from the little or big extension between his legs.

“Have you ever thought that you are smarter than me?” asked he. He knew the truth, I knew the truth. I still had to pretend that I did not know the truth…because I was not a man…and I could not stab a man…but I think I am going to have to, I said to myself…I am going to have to pretend to be mad…because I know that is going to be less painful and more real…I am going to be a mad woman, shooting the minarets…cutting the throats and cocks of men who made me fake…who forced me to pretend, I promised myself. No, Buddha would not do that…because he was a man…he, too, would not understand…nor would Mohammed…he would laugh at that…

“Sit down! Stay down woman!” he would exclaim, stroking his big beard.

It rained…it rained regret all day… and I took one more blue pill…it rained revenge all night… and I took another blue pill…

 

 

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Everyone is stressed out these days. Busy life style in big cities, long working hours, high expectations of employers and clients, trying to look glamorous all the time as well as being  healthy and fit, making a huge effort to  fit a relationship in our hectic lives,…etc. It  seems like it is impossible to avoid the stress.

But what is stress? Where does it come from? When do we get stressed? What makes us  feel  stressed?

All our fears come from the will to love and to be loved.

Most medical  sources describe stress as forces from outside world  affecting  the individual. Not really a satisfactory description in comparison   with hurricane like feelings we have when we are stressed.

Dictionaries are more truthful.They describe stress as worry,burden,anxiety and pressure.Yes,we are worried,we are anxious and we are pressurised when we are stressed.Why?Obviously, we fear to fail.

Imagine you are late for a very important meeting which is a unique  opportunity for you to show your potential  to get promoted. You dressed up , you are in your best shape as usual, your make up is perfect. But somehow you got stuck in traffic and you are going mad in the car, you are extremely stressed. Why? Because you don’t want to miss the opportunity, you want to remain successful and popular. You fear to lose what you have which stresses you. You call your mum or best friend to feel better and  you say “I am so stressed right now .”but you  don’t say that  “I fear that I might lose the best opportunity I have been offered.”

Stress comes from our fears but we are all too proud to say  that “I am fearful”   or even “I am worried.” while we can easily say that “I am stressed.”

What is fear? How does it originate? Is it a good thing or bad thing? Does it motivate  or demotivate us?

The  common thought of 21st century is  that we are all motivated by money. I don’t agree. Why do we let money motivate even manipulate us and make us work like a slave?  Because we  all fear to starve, living with no roof on our head, being left out in our society.

We are all motivated by our fears. Our fears make us successful , hard working, challenging, even good looking, give us good manners,make  us  loyal , a good citizen and a good person, a good friend, a good partner, a good parent,…etc.

It is the fear of imprisonment  and of being condemned  by others which makes us obey the law. It is fear of unemployment  which keeps us working long hours and pretend to like our boss even we hate him. It is the fear of starvation and of first and most important instinct  to survive which wakes us up every morning to run to work.

Why do we make friends, partners and all kind of social relationships? It is fear of loneliness, it is fear of not being loved and not having someone to love.

In fact all our fears originate from the will to love and to be loved. If we are hard working we are loved more,if we are successful  we are loved more,if we earn enough and not trouble others  financially we are loved more,if we are good looking we are loved more,if we are good friend or partner we are loved more.

We can use and abuse our fears for love.We should,but only we should..We human beings are all made of love.First and best motivation of human being is love. We were all born after millions of kisses.