Posts Tagged ‘killing’

I was so kind…so kind…even too kind…too kind to be true…so gentle like an angel…my soul was like a feather of a baby bird…I was not even able to feel it most of the time…but I was a human…no other human could comprehend that…nor was I able to believe they were humans…I was right they were not…because they ate me alive day by day…bit by bit…day by day…more and more…but I was not finished…and they were so annoyed…

They wanted me to either die or develop some kind of demons in my feather like delicate soul. I refused they attacked,I refused they attacked, I refused they attacked , I refu…they attacked…I ref…they attacked…I re…they attacked…I r…they attacked…they must have attacked more after that…they must have…they must have drunk my blood…humans…they do that a lot…they love that…and they think they love dogs…humans have forgotten what love was…


And one day I woke up but I was different…I was still human…but I had irresistible urge to harm…I had invincible doubts about everyone…I was unable to sleep in the dark…I think…I think…yes I think I wanted to kill the dark…I wanted to attack…I wanted to control…I wanted to hurt and rule…I want to be more important than everything and everyone on earth…I wanted to see millions bow in front me…I want to kill the ones who refused it…I wanted to kill the passivists, I wanted to kill the activists…and I did…unless they wanted to kill, too.

But I knew…I knew I had never won…no human on earth had won…but demons…and one day I decided to kill myself… I decided to kill myself in front of millions…just to kill all the demons in every human…and I did…and I become like a feather again…demon-free like a feather…


“When did you return young man?” asked the man in his 20s.

“Young man?” repeated the man in his 30s.

“Yes, you, you think you are not young?”

“Yes, I do but you are younger, how come you call me a young man?”

“Well, only I know how old I am, but I look 20, you are right. So did you just come last night, or were transferred from the North?”

“No, I returned last night, you were sleeping.”

“No, I was not sleeping, I was with God!”

“Oh, you were with God? Then I must be in the wrong place.”

“Why do you think you are in the wrong place?”

“Because I am a murderer, I murdered a murderer…”

“And they murdered you.”

“Yes, in a way.”

Man in war.

Man in war.

“How did you end up here?”

“I killed myself.”

“You killed yourself and God spends time with you?”

“Yes, God loves me.”

“How is that so?”

“Because God knows that I had never had a chance to know what love was.”


“You really want to know how?”


“Well, I was born where there was a war. I did not know back then but I was born into fear with fear and I grew up with fear.”

“Shouldn’t that have caused you to seek love more intensely than others on the contrary?”

“In a continuous war where I lost my mum when I was ten?”

“Didn’t she love you for ten years?”

“She had the most violent fears, there was fear even in her love.”

“And your dad?”

“I never saw him, he fought in the war, but mum said that was lucky because he was violent to her more than the war.”

“So you killed yourself when you were ten?”

“No I searched for help for ten more years, and killed myself in a refugee camp in the end.”

“And God is okay with that?”

“Yes, God loves me.”

“Then who is guilty of your killing?”

“Only God knows.”

“Did you not ask God?”

“Yes I did, God said love, do not ask. How about you? So you killed a murderer at the cost of becoming a murderer?”



“Because, he was spreading fear by killing many man, woman and children.”

“But you were still punished?”

“Yes, ten years.”

“And you died in prison?”

“No, I died in a war.”


“Because, I was sent to a war to serve for the country instead of killing time in the prison.”

“Yes, you look healthy and strong.Did you have to kill more people in the war?”

“No, I tried not to , but-”

“But they shot you in the heart.”

“Yes, they did.”

“So who is guilty now?”