Where Is My Soul Doctor?

WHERE IS MY SOUL DOCTOR?

 

Sometimes I wonder doctor.

…

Don’t look at me like I am a rotten tomato…I, too, can wonder.

Yes, but I wonder what makes you wonder.

That, I won’t tell you…you bloody bastard! In fact, I want to see sweat even in your ass to find that out.

I see.

Sometimes I wonder doctor…I wonder where my s…Hey what is that in your hand?

Oh, this?

What else is your hand doc?

Nothing!

Then why do you ask me such a question? Are you a doctor or a magician?

It is a game cube. You want it?

Are you bored?

No, it is for patients.

I am not sick and you are not a doctor!

…

You know that…there is no you or me or she or he or we or us you know that! Give me that black  cube!

Here, take it!

There is only this dark cube game, you play it right! I willingly play it wrong! That is all doctor! You know that you cowardly hero!

…

Hey listen!

…

I have a story to tell you for a change…

I am sure you do.

A story that has a clue for everyone who feels lost on this maddened world.

I love riddles and clues…

Cool…I thought you had lost your ability to love quite a few times actually. Are you really able to love?

Yes.

Really?

Yes.

Still?

Yes.

Despite everything?

Yes.

Then why are you still here?

How do you know where I am?

Who is talking to me right now?

A doctor.

And that is not you?

Only a part of me.

But that is still you, in fact, maybe the darkest part of you.

That is not true!

We will see. Let me tell you my story…sometimes I wonder doctor! I wonder how on earth I had managed to live with no soul for so long…and I remember the morning when I commuted to work. I was on the train…it was full of slaves with fearful faces. They were too embarrassed to look at each other so they all stared at adverts on walls of the train where they lean their heads on sometimes. Or they all read the same free newspaper to look, sound, feel and act like they were all on the same page of their artificial culture. I was calm and quiet, still running around the world to satisfy my stomach. And I wondered why that newspaper was free in a culture which kept telling people there was no lunch for free. It bothered me but I tried to convince myself that I could still be an angel with no wing. Are you with me doc? Stop taking notes, you can never decode my madness!

I might!

And I ran and ran and ran to catch the same train over and over again many morning doc. I did not read the free newspaper nor did I stare at the adverts on the top of my head or secretly watched people’s reflections on the windows of the train. I wanted to understand this shit so I turned to philosophy. There they said, you cannot philosophize if you put into account your God! Then they got me ask whether there was a God! Well, how you could you talk about something that does not exist anyway I asked.

…

 

And then one morning I saw a man in his 50s wearing a black suit while sitting on the same train, readying myself for 12,5 hours long slavery. That was fucking wrong, hence I was searching for the truth.

 

Where was it?

 

In the smile of the man in the black suit.

 

How so?

 

He was standing by the door with a woman in a black suit. He looked at what I was reading and smiled. He then looked at the woman standing beside him. She,too, smiled victoriously and devilishly.

 

Why?

 

Because the article I was reading to learn how to philosophize was titled “Does God Exist” without realizing that was how…

 

How?

 

That was how I began to loose…

 

Loose?

 

Loose in this magicians’ world…but now I know all their secrets doc!  I now know why the man in black suit smiled at me that sarcastically that morning.

 

Hmmm…

There never was a free newspaper…people paid it with their souls. There had never been a true philosopher on the face of the earth! They were all devil boys in black robes! They were there to steal God from people!

…

And you are a bastard doc!  Because I found my soul!

Secret of an architect…

I felt hungry, the refrigerator was empty. I put my blue jeans on and left home. I passed by  a beauty saloon where lost souls sought something they did not know, not known and yet painful to know. Some thought that they had found.It vanish after a small smile.They were hungry.They were sleepy…

40 years old lady shouted at me, 18 yo wanted to learn it from me secretly. A married woman saw her husband looking at me and pulled my hair for not sharing my beauty.Well I did, as soon as I appeared on the street, I was such a free commodity in a common stupidity.My name was woman, her name was woman.She was unhappy and she was the most hungry.My heart told me to forgive, so I did…

Secret of an architect…

An old man passed by me. His wrinkles, his hunchback, his slow steps told me that life was not supposed to be a duty. He did not read Schopenhauer surely, well that was lucky. Then how did he get this philosophy? He asked me to tell him the secret before he ended his journey. He was hungry…

I had not yet arrived at the shop,I jumped up by a call! An unknown imam began to infuse all his suppressed passion into his loud call and screamed “Allah-u Ekber!” Yes, God was big and then what? The imam was asking people to pray right at that moment. Who was he? Why was he dictating everyone so loudly? He did not know the secret and surprisingly he was not hungry.

Soon men began to gather around the mosque. Women? How dare they? Well, I could only if I believed in what Imams tried to say.I was already undressed in fifteen fast steps. I felt naked, God would not allow that! God whispered me to forgive them , so I did and walked away. They began asking the water to clean themselves.Once again hunger and thirst filled up the mosque, not what imam had told…

I looked back as I heard some whispers and noise!I looked up, at the minaret, it shouted out the secret.All the women on the street were naked, so they appeared on the minaret…So who had drawn that on a white minaret, if not the architect?

Finally I was at the shop to get some vegetable, cheese and some bread. Oh, water! How could I forget that? I did not remember my hunger after discovering the secret of the architect…

Zena’s Paradoxes

A Naked Philosopher

Before we look up and see, before we look down and feel dizzy, before we laugh, before we shout and fight, before we stay, after we leave, before we accept or get accepted, before we love and be loved , we hear three voices echoing in our heart soon after they raise in our head. They compete to rule us, govern us and eventually enslave us. But we always  listen  to the one that offers the least painful option and we defend this voice with the best rationales against other two voices which become louder after we make choices. What are they?

A Naked Philosopher

They are self and morality’s twin kids, who are eternally rivals to each other, good and bad or call them right and wrong. What really are they? Why do they ferociously fight to rule one another to be able to govern us? In order to be able to answer these questions we need to know what governs morality and self.

Self is our existence and it is a very artful rebel that can only bow in front of its will. It is indeed governed by will. How can anything else including morality govern the self unless it is no longer conscious of its existence? There come other selves and their rights. The self recognizes its boundaries in existence of others and tries hard to expand its borders in every opportunity. These borders are the ones which also govern morality. In other words, morality lives in the rights of others.

The self can still live like a rebel as long as it has enough power over others. The most famous and threatening phrase of morality “What if it was you?” only makes powerful self smile sarcastically. “It will never be me!” it answers. Indeed it will never be the powerful self as long as others fearfully recognize its power and believe its most colourful rationales.

What if the self is oppressed y others? That is when morality becomes the sharpest sword of the self. That is when the self raises this sword to make those, who hold the power, recognize its rights and their own immoralities. But it is too weakened to bleed any immoral body. And the morality tells the weak self to destroy the strongest rationale of the powerful self to undress it in front of millions. And that is how human beings turn the life into a continuous war in the name of morality.

But the truth, which is too loud to be ignored, is that the morality is only the mask we, human beings wear, to comfort and satisfy our wild selves. And the only truthful self who is brave enough to walk around naked and say that is the self of a philosopher…

A Bird’s Philosophy

“You look too thoughtful and sad for a beautiful young lady!”,said  all of a sudden a white-black and dark blue coloured bird,  in the middle of her spring song.

“You, too, and that makes me think even more.”, replied young lady in her late twenties while the Sun ,that had brought  lovers and kids together  in the green area neighbouring the river earlier, was painting the sky into red in Southbank.

“Why?”,asked stateless bird’s eyes.

Birds in a philosophical conversation.

“You have the best freedom in the world, what makes you think that deep and feel sad? We, human beings, have never fought for anything more than we did for freedom and still we are not as free as we want. Most of us envy you, but you don’t seem to be happy either.

“Oh, I am ok actually. It is only that my eyes and my mind are not happy with each other.”

“You sound cute, but what do you mean by that?”

“I see the world in a way you can never see and I always  try to see nice things but it is still hard for me to understand what you, human beings, do on such a beautiful earth like this.”

“For example?”

“For example, I have always tried to understand why you always fight down here. You said, you think it is all about more freedom? Is it really?

“Yes and about equality!”

“Is that the reason why you kill each other?” asked curiously and landed in her shoulder. One was more beautiful and irritatingly curious than another now.

She had never imagined to be questioned by the most innocent looking species on earth and left speechless for a while .Thames River’s old and cold face, that had the loudest screams of the most tumultuous time, was now locked in her eyes .It had never looked that green before and never had that much moss, but it did in them. One child from Palestine cried and asked where his mother was behind the big wall, the other one from Israel asked why she could not play with him on the other side. None of them understood what made them enemy to each other. A young girl in Iraq couldn’t even find her father’s grave and stayed still her fist on her heart on a Friday. She opened her arms and asked God not to let that happen to anybody again in her pray.

Thames was as restless as her heart and her eyes were as wet as Thames now. Colourful beauty on her shoulder couldn’t dare to leave her in that state and they travelled to millions of other worlds together in the deepest part of the river. She had never felt like that before neither under the whitest clouds in a blue sky nor on top the most magnificent mosque, church or synagogue .Her wings lost their significance on these shoulders somehow.

The sky was blood red like Libya’s streets now and it was getting a little cold. Darkness was going to rule the city for a while from now on but the Sun was going to come back and light this part of the world again. The stars were going to collect the most innocent dreams of the kids one more time and leave them more hope to make them fight better tomorrow. They were soon going to find out that they have to fight for whatever they want in this world. They were going to have to fight for freedom, justice and of course for the universal dream peace which we all failed to provide them when they came to us. Unfortunately they were going to fight even for their basic human rights just like Tunisians, Egyptians and Libyans…Were any of us going to get rid of this guilt and sleep well at all?

“Are you sure it is about freedom and equality?” said and moved her left wing up for a change. Do you kill animals, do you destroy the nature for your freedom, too?

“No that is the result of our survival on earth.”

“I don’t think so young lady .You, human beings, die and kill  just to dominate one another! Do you know why you do that?”

“No!”

“You all love controlling one another and hate being controlled by others. You all have a secret desire to be the one who knows the most  and controls everything and everybody in the world. Some of you call that God, some call it inexplicable power.”

“Not all of us.”

“You all do at different level. Those who are victims of this thought victimize rest of you. Therefore your fight for freedom, justice and peace will never end.”

“It will, we will bring the peace  to the world  that we all dream of every day.”

“Even if you do, I won’t be able to see it.”

“Why?”

“My life is only six months and I am three months old already. I better go now.”

“Wait! I want to ask you something!”

“Yes!”

“Will you promise me that you won’t tell all those things, that  you told me, to any child? We will bring peace and justice to their world, they won’t have to fight for freedom as hard as we do.”

“I can’t promise you that, kids need to know the truth!”  said and flew thoughtful bird.

She was now in her deepest thoughts. “I love your colourful wings!” ,shouted behind her and walked home with the Moon .

“

We All Need Drug Unless We Love

“Ah one more!” said Julia and pushed the empty bottle of wine in the middle of the night. It was too late to go out and get another one and have more. She screamed : “No more just like love, no more love no more wine ,no more anything ,what is the point in living?”

Why is love so crucial in our lives?Why do we all urge for it?

Julia  started to drink more and more every night which  troubled her at work. She  started  to take drug  ,too, following   her  resignation. Julia was an accountant before she lost love of her life in a car accident  and became drug addict.  Now she is under treatment  to get back to her normal life .

Her case is maybe not the only one  ; but  surely  the most remarkable  one  to see  how important love is in our lives. What makes love so crucial ?Why do we all urge for  love so much?

Neuroscientists have been trying  to explain  it  by the level of dopamine  in our brain  which makes us  feel  happy  when  it  is high. Drug use creates the same effect in our brain. Recent researches show that eating fatty food  also stimulates neurons to produce more dopamine according to Scientific American. If we put all these fact  into account Julia’s case becomes more clear. It sounds very dry and mechanical to say that she wanted the same level of dopamine that she had when she was in love before she lost her boyfriend. We all know there are so many different dimensions of love. What else could she have done not to be in this situation ?

We all know that life does not have a meaning  until we give one to it. No matter what meaning we give, they are all based on love. Love is the only and best drive we human beings have in life. For an artist the meaning of his life is his art. The more he works on it ,happier he is. For a mother ,her children are the meaning of her life.. She can do anything for them. For Julia ,the meaning of her life was her boyfriend, not her job, not her  family, not her friends, not  any hobby that she was passionate for . In other words her best drive was her boyfriend. When she lost him, she lost the meaning her life.

However she could have had more love objects to give her life more than one meaning. She could have survived  better if she had more than one thing in her life which she passionately loved .